Combining public transport and alcohol to overcome men's problems

BREAKING NEWS:
LIECHTENSTEIN 2001

5 April 2001

This week the London Men's Self-Help Pub Crawl Group stunned their fans by revealing details of what is perhaps their most ambitious crawl to date. "We'd been thinking since a long time about having an away-day for the group," explained Tim, the organisation's aviation czar. "Liechtenstein seemed like the obvious choice."

The group is famed for its military efficiency and strict rule enforcement, and the planning of the Liechtenstein operation has proved no exception. According to Pad, the destination had to meet the strict criteria of being "funny" and "somewhere none of us has been to before". After a series of top-level discussions, the group's steering committee closed on the tiny principality, which apparently is sandwiched between Switzerland and Austria (the group will report back afterwards to confirm or deny this).

The London Men's Self-Help Pub Crawl Group's accommodation attaché, Ian, elaborated on the finer points of the excursion. "We've done a lot of research about the country. It's roughly the size of a pea, and it seems that in Vaduz, the capital village, there are no more than 22 bars - so we can confidently expect to drink in all of them in a single Saturday afternoon." Getting there isn't going to be easy. "We're going to have to fly to Zurich, and then there's a train to some town near Liechtenstein, from where we're going to get a taxi to Vaduz itself."

Any members of the public who know how to pronounce the word "Vaduz" are invited to let the group know via the guestbook.

The trip will take the form of a long weekend, departing on the Friday and returning on the Sunday afternoon. The group have not released advance notification of the exact dates, at the request of Alan, who is reportedly worried about potential stalkers. Friday evening has been set aside as a quiet evening of contemplation and preparation, with the focus being on the crawl itself, to take place on Saturday. Plans for the Sunday morning are still taking shape, but one suggestion is a "sponsored walk" across Liechtenstein. However, some members are said to be concerned that this will only take about half an hour, and that the necessary corporate backing may not be forthcoming; so alternative possibilities are being looked into. "Whatever we decide on," says Simon, the group's Kenan and Kel monitoring specialist, "it'll be no Good Burger II - but I assure you it'll be pretty spectacular."

Six of the seven group members are confirmed participants in the crawl, provisionally titled "Liechtenstein 2001: Planes, Trains and Automobiles". Unfortunately Alex will not be able to join the other members, due to complications arising from a hideous ageing disease - a rare condition which developed after he was implicated in a freak accident involving electrocution by hairdryer.

Meanwhile, anger is mounting with regard to the lack of development of the group's Web presence. Back in November 2000 - nearly half a year ago - the London Men's Self-Help Pub Crawl Group successfully completed T2K, their third event; yet to date there has been no information posted on the official site. Rumours are rife of growing bitterness towards Robert, the creative genius behind the group's online activities, but in a statement released last month he answered his critics: "I've been busy, but I'm working on it. Do you have any idea how long it takes to make crap WAVs of Queen medleys? I have to put together a poorly designed logo and everything. These things take time, especially when you've got much better things to do - watching USA High, for example. What are you, nuts?"

 

MAY 2001: UPDATE!

The Liechtenstein pub crawl was undertaken during the first bank holiday weekend in May. The trip was hailed as a complete success, and the London Men's Self-Help Pub Crawl Group would like to point out that initial reports suggesting they had been deported from the principality - after Simon attempted to throw a chair off a hotel balcony - are totally unfounded. No details have yet been made available as to when the web site will be updated, although information recently posted by fans using unofficial London Men's Self-Help Pub Crawl Group chatrooms suggests that a 12 June launch date might be planned.

 

PREVIOUS NEWS (NOW TRADING AS OLDS)

4 September 2000: QM2K CANCELLED - T2K PLANNED